Ready, Steady, Relax

I'm back, and as usual I could do with a holiday to recover from my holiday.

We had a bad start after some thoughtful soul decided to set the M1 on fire (or something), resulting in the M1 and the North Circular being closed. The ensuing gridlock caused us to miss our flight.

After the fraught journey to the airport, we thought that the obvious choice for relaxation would be to spend the night at Gatwick, ready for the first flight the next morning. Not in a hotel though, for that would be wasting precious house deposit funds. No, no - nothing but the finest hard plastic seat next to the loud-as-hell video game machines for us.

The only solution was to drink as much alcohol as we could before the delightful airport pub closed, and then purchase a magnetic games compendium from the 24 hour WHSmith and play drunken chess all night.

I understand chess follows the same principle as pool, in that there is an optimum level of alcohol consumption for a player to achieve their full potential. Enough to provide confidence verging on arrogance; not so much that one loses visual and spatial skills and throws up on the table/board.

Bleary eyed, and with my drunken chess victories tucked safely away for future bragging, we finally arrived in Guernsey - a mere 19 hours door to door.

The holiday was business as usual from there on in (except that we had jet lag from travelling only 2 longitudinal degrees). Swimming, gym, jacuzzi, tennis, sauna, walking, sightseeing and sunburn by day; eating and drinking too much, and sleeping too little by night.

And now I am home, I have unpacked, and I would be very grateful if you could pass me that lovely soft pillow and shut the curtains on your way out...